He has them both
by Becky9
Summary: Carter sees someone for the last time. Still holding spoilers for Season nine's Episode Nineteen if you haven't seen it already. Ummm. The end - chapter four makes an appearance. C'est fini! As always, please R 'n' R!
1. He has them Both : Chapter One

Title and Author : He has them both' - Becky

Summary : Carter sees someone for the last time, but knows that she's still there, as is someone else....(that was rather an abstract summary, dontcha think?)

Note : Quite depressing, sad. Pretty morbid also. 

Spoilers : Uhhh....possibly 9.19, although, we all knew that it would eventually happen..

Feedback : Please! I crave feedback, no matter what kind of opinion! So yeah, either, drop me a review, post on the channel 4 forum - if you're from there, or email me..I dont mind!

_

Her eyes were closed, but still red, and sunken. Her hair, her soft white curls, were tied back in a bun, and her head was laying in the direction of the window. Looking out to the sun, looking out to the pool. Her frail hands rested on either side of her body, her fingernails nicely polished, and the wrinkles of her aged hands, telling her own life story.

He sat, perched on the edge of the bed, taking her hand in his own, masculine one, smoothing his thumb over her knuckles, a single, solitary tear, dripping from his eye. He sat, watching her with interest, knowing what had happened, and yet, finding deep comfort within it. 

She looked normal, the faint red lipstick etched onto her parched lips, and as he sat, watching her, searching for comfort, he was sure he could see the faintest smile upon them. 

She was a woman of the world, a person with a life, a person with respect. A person, who he loved. 

He extended his hand, reaching up to her forehead, carefully smoothing back the locks of hair that had escaped, his hand lingering upon her aged forehead, also, telling her story. 

He smiled again, searching her expression, her lifeless expression that it be, but an expression that she had held during her final moments. The regret swarmed him, wishing he could of been closer to her, but also knowing that it may have done both of them more harm.

More harm than good.

He took his hand away, bringing both of them back to her own, caressing it lightly, feeling the warmth that it still held. The moments and minutes seem to pass, as he sat, in an alone silence, knowing that deep down, he wasn't alone at all. He had her, and we always would.

A supportive hand landed upon his shoulder, his gaze turning to meet the gaze of the opposite person. Knowing, deep down who it would be. Knowing deep down who he had. Knowing deep down, that she would also, always be there.

Her eyes searched his own, as he turned to look from her, nodding in affirmation before turning to look at the person of who's hand he was still holding.

" She's gone."

But she wasn't. He still had her, as did he have the woman standing behind him. He had them both. And always would.

-

Author's Note : I think I must be a writer who writes and always seems to write morbid stuff. Most of my written stuff lately - besides interent conversations - seems to be morbid. But this one, this one, I just had to write. It came too easily, so that's probably the reason for it being bad - I apologize. Anyway, as always, please read and review.


	2. He has them Both : Chapter Two

Title and Author : 'He has them Both' - Becky - This is chapter two...

Summary : John Carter's just lost someone, but knows that he has someone else...(I'm no good at summaries...)

Spoilers : Uhhhh....Season Nine - Episode Nineteen, but then again, we all knew it was going to happen *eventually*.

Note : Angsty - Morbid.

Feedback : Yes, please! I'd love feedback! So, please review, email me - please put 'fanfiction' or 'review' in the subject title, otherwise, I probably won't open it - or, if you're from the C4 board, then please, review there, on the Writer's Thread!

_

The tears were fresh on his cheeks, mounting from his eyes, flowing because he could no longer hold them back. He could no longer hold onto it all. 

Her arms surrounded him, her delicate fingers spreading through his thick, dark hair, his own hands clinging to her for every ounce of support that she could muster.

Inside, the guilt was beginning to erupt. The guilt of seeing himself so emotionally weak, and the guilt of not being there with her. Of not being there, when she needed him most. 

They sat, both of them, on the bed, the bed where she had last laid. They had taken her, and now he was sitting there, sobbing, screaming from the inside at them. Telling her, that he wanted her back.

She was comfort for him. Her hands, holding him, her head resting gently on top of his, her eyes closed tightly, hurt spreading through her. The hurt of seeing him like this, and the hurt of him being so, scared. He was, he was scared. He was seeking comfort, he was needing someone. And she was there. She was going to be there, always. When she needed him. He was there, and now, the tables had turned. They had swapped roles. And it hurt. It hurt both of them.

He shifted, the sobs subsiding slowly, her hands still working through his hair. Her eyes opened, lifting her head from his, and then lifting his head to meet her gaze. His eyes were red, sore, with tears. And inside, inside him, he was sore. He was hurt. He was angry. Angry with himself, for not being there. 

The sensible part of him, little as it was, knew that he couldn't of been, knew that he couldn't have if he had tried. But the other part was overwhelming him, making him reach out and cry. Cry for the loss that he had just succumbed.

His head lifted again, screwing his eyes into tight shapes, trying to stop the tears. He was tired, tired of crying, and tired because he hadn't been sleeping. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but she hushed him. Placing a finger on his lips and making him stop. Her hand managed to work round to the back of his head, to pull his head to her shoulder, and he did. He sat, leaning against her shoulder, closing his eyes, and crying again.

He knew, that when the crying stopped, she'd be there. He knew that when the crying continued, she'd be there. He knew that when everything had been done, and finished, she'd be there. Just as he had been for her. 

They'd both be there. As friends, as loves, and as more.

-

Author's Note : I guess you could say that that was the second chapter, huh? Yeah, it was. This was a little harder to write, but then again, it wasn't, I *had* to write something. I'm still trying to work out what to do with this story and with 'I'll Wait For You'. I'm stuck basically! This one is probably gonna finish here, but depending on how I feel, all could be changed...And 'I'll Wait For You' could be left as a standalone, or could actually change into an episode, end of thing - I dunno. I've got some ideas, not good ideas, but some nonetheless....if you have some, please, email me them! Or put them in the review.....I'm gonna go contemplate this....


	3. He has them Both : Chapter Three

Title and Author : He has them both - Becky - This is the third chapter.....

Summary : Carter sees someone for the last time....and has to deal with it.....but finds that he has someone to help him with that....(I'm bad at summaries....)

Spoilers : Yes, well, Seasoon Nine, Episode Nineteen, but then again we knew it was going to happen *eventually*...

Note : Fairly morbid, angsty, with a fair bit o' Carby - I'm a sucker for carby - well, actually for Carter....

Feedback : Please! Uhhhh either email me - please put review' in the subject title - I will promise to try and reply!, review here, or if you're from the C4 board, feel free to drop me a line there!

_

Her hand enveloped his, searching for the reasurrance that she could behold. His eyes were transfixed on the people before him, all of them mourning his grandmother, except to them, she wasn't. She was, and had been his grandmother. His. And only his.

The recollection of people, and memories, had been summonned, each and everyone of them helping less and less to him. There was only one live being that could help him. Her. Abby.

He glanced at her, looking defeated, the hurt, and harm still within his eyes. She noticed his glance, provoking her to squezze his hand, and grasp it tighter. He did the same, in awe, awe of the woman, who had been so emotionally broken before, but was now his own emotional crutch, his own saviour. His gaze wandered back to the people,. the vicar paying his respects, the words tumbling from his mouth, but the words that he couldn't hear.

She had gone, he didn't want to face it. He had told himself, in the hour before, that she was leaving, that she had left, but that she was still with him. Still within him. Now, he wasn't sure. It was a sentimental thing to have told himself,. that, he had known. He was a doctor, a physcian, seeing people live and die each day, but now, as it was closer to home, it was harder. 

Harder to understand. Harder to except.

The speaking stopped around him, and he looked up again, searching the eyes of the people, searching for more comfort, searching for anything that anyone could uphold. They stood, the congregation filing out from the boundered garden. It had been a funeral, a wake, a goodbye just like his grandfather's, but this time, the person standing next to him had been invited, and was more than just a friend or a workmate. She was there as a partner, but as a friend also, and her invitation there was much more than welcomed. She, in fact, was the only reason he was there, trying to be strong.

Their hands were still laced together, as the two of them, walking in a gentle silence, made their way away from the mourners, away from everyone else except them. They stopped, beside a tree, as he fell to his knees, perching against the bark. She followed suit, placing her hand to the back of his head and kissing his forehead lightly, before allowing his head to rest on her shoulder. 

He could no longer stop, and the tears began flowing again.

He seemed to mumble sorry' through them, the guilt again appearing. She did the same thing, she comforted him, just as she had been doing, and just as he needed.

The comfort, the security, the one special person, was what he needed. And, he had it. He had it.

_

Author's Note : Now, that again, was a morbid chapter, but, the thing is, I wrote it in under an hour - pretty good for me! And, I am, actually supposed to be doing my homework, but, well, I'm not clearly, unless you do count fanfictional writing as homework - I could use that....Anyway, yeah, a third chapter, it could again be bad, and, there could maybe, possibly, be a *fourth* chapter....hmmmm....again, I'm going to go and contemplate this....

Thanks for reading, and please, please, please, review!


	4. He has them Both : Chapter Four

Title and Author : He has them both - Becky - This is the third chapter.....

Summary : Carter sees someone for the last time....and has to deal with it.....but finds that he has someone to help him with that....(I'm bad at summaries....)

Spoilers : Yes, well, Season Nine, Episode Nineteen, but then again we knew it was going to happen *eventually*...

Note : Fairly morbid, angsty, with a fair bit o' Carby - I'm a sucker for carby - well, actually for Carter....

Feedback : Please! Uhhhh either email me - please put 'review' in the subject title - I will promise to try and reply!, review here, or if you're from the C4 board, feel free to drop me a line there!

Umm....this, I hate to say it, is the end, and is a pretty, no, very short one at that!

-

He was back. Saving lives. Diagnosing patients. Working hard. But, every patient, every x-ray, every trauma, was still reminding him of her. Of Gamma. 

He swiped the gloves from his hands, sighing, his head down low, his eyes barely focusing on the tiled floor below him. And again, as it had done a week before, her comforting hand appeared on his shoulder.

" You okay?"

He sighed, turning to meet her eyes.

" Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."

He offered a brief, and supposedly strong smile, rubbing the bridge of his nose with a finger.

" You wanna grab some coffee later?"

It was as though she could read his mind, and tend to every need. The 'need' list was slowly growing, as his respect, and unfaltering care for her was doing the same.

He nodded. Silently. 

" Meet you out front in five?"

He nodded again, as her hand left his shoulder, her gaze left his, and as her body left the room. Her delicate hands pushing the trauma doors open, and her form retreating down the corridor. 

He smiled knowingly, before following her suit. Walking out of the trauma room. Down the corridor. Into the lounge. Grabbing his coat. Meeting 'out front'. Together.

Because that was the point. They were, together. As a couple. As strengths for eachother, as rocks for eachother. As friends, as soulmates, and as more. So much more.

- Author's Note : Yep. as Carbyfan, I think it was, requested. Moving away from the 'gamma' thing slightly to some carby fuzz. An end to a story that was originally held as a standalone, but one that quickly grew to a bit more. Four chapters. Yep - the end. Ummm...all I can say is I'd really appreciate a couple more reviews for this ending - possibly because I may have trashed a story that probably wasn't there in the first place...- And in turn, I'd like to thank everybody else who has reviewed! Thankyou - my thanks for you is eternal - and I really do appreciate every one! So, for the one last time that this story is to see, I'll say it again 'Please Review!'


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